Adam

just last the year.

This town don't feel mine
I'm fast to get away far

I dressed you in her clothes
Now drive me far away

It feels good to know Your all mine
now drive me far away

I don't care where just far
away

all my love is down in the frozen ground.
with no warmth coming to realse it.

1. Name:
2. Birthday:
3. Place of Residence:
4. What makes you happy:
5. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:
7. What is particularly good/bad about my LJ:
8. An interesting fact about you:
9. Are you in love/lust at the moment:
10. Favourite place to be:
11. Favourite lyric:
12. Best time of the year:
13. Weirdest food you like:

RECOMMEND
1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A song:
4: A band:
PLUS
1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Put this in your lj so i can tell you what I think of you.
4. POST A PICTURE OF YOU!

give me your pain.
i want to put it on my shoulders.
give me your weight.
i will carry it.

i want everyone to be let lose of their burdens.

who was a faggot?

you were a faggot.


haha maaan.

I don't know what to do these emotions. I don't know how to deal with a death of a person much more deserving of a life then me.


Rest in peace jenne.

I have been an angry person lately. I just want to break things. But stop myself casue I know I can't cause then people will know. But every time this happens I get alittle bit more not careing and just wanting to relaese what is built up. I should learn to not hide it and just let it out instead of let it bounce around in me. But I like to hide certain emotions. I don't know. I guess I like not being so out there.

It is funny when people get mad real easily and for no real reason.

I want to die young to add some flare to my rather uneventful life.





I don't know if I thats true, but maybe I will end up good at something.

I argued with strangers constantly, though only in my cloudy skull, while always I adopted this hollow admonishing tone- my grandmother's, I guess- which even I couldn't stand. The silent though decisive discussions were a hobby of my mind, debating people I knew on the road while driving:

-You, driving the Lexus.
-Me?
-Yes, you. You paid too much.
-What?
-You paid too much and your soul is spoiled.
-You are right. I havefailed but will repent.

It helped me work through problems, solving things, reaching conclusions final, edifiying and even, occasionally, mutually agreeable.

-You, on the motorcycle.
-Yes.
-It's only a matter of time.
-I know.

^thats from the book I am now reading for the second time. And I do the same thing, argueing with strangers in my head. But my tone isn't like my grandmothers. It is my jerk tone. It is for fun to laugh and what not. And my dialoge is probably less creative.

My bathrub has the ocean in it.



hahaha

I had a dream that my Dad same something mean to me about getting a new car and I was upset and left to go hide in the camper after doing some stuff a outside. And someone else went in the camper with me. So we are in there talking and I find a liquor bottle in there and its Mount Gay rum. Then we hear a cell phone start to ring and I was not ours so we are like "huuh". Then the blanket starts moving on the bed and there is a perons under there. And what pops out from under blanket is this attractive girl. So we are still confused. Then she wakes up and is like "oh" So she starts telling us why she is sleeping here. She goes on saying things I but then she is like "I am a hermaphrodite." Thats a wild card. Then shes like I'll prvoe it too and shows me but the other guy looks away and I'm like "oh yeah". Next we are at like a party and I brought her and I am talking trash to Johnny that I can beat him in air hockey. Then I had something important to tell this hermaphrodite but she was too busy talking with everyone then I tried to go tell her but she walked off with Dustin Turner and I woke up.

I have insurance again so I think I might have my hand checked out. I hurt it back in Decemeber and its still kinda hurts, so probably a good idea.

My arm is still sore from dodgeball friday. I don't know if I want to play tomorrow. I don't want to ruin my shoulder. I need this shoulder for basketball.

I gain more loner points today and saw a movie by myself. I liked it. I like being by myself. I saw spiderman 3 and it wasnt that good. It was okay. It just tried to do too much. But it was spiderman so I still enjoyed it, except for emo spiderman.

I am seriously considering film school again. I am talking to someone about it write now.

I have to start up on my script agian cause I would be fun to make a silly movie this summer with friends.

What happened to people being honest??? Why can't people stick to what they say???


I expect an answer.

I have this recurring theme in some of my dreams that when i close my mouth my teeth just crumble and i just have to in disgues and fear spit out my shardes of teeth. So I looked it up on a dream interpation site and heres what it said-

Teeth in a dream are related to:

Your health and well-being.
Your ability to do for yourself.
Your ability to articulate and express yourself.
Problems with teeth, such as teeth falling out or having cavities, can represent feeling, fearing, or imagining that all is not well with the person with the teeth problems, or perhaps that they are not expressing themselves as you think they should.

I have been feeling lonely again and for awhile I was happy and not getting sad like i used too. But now it is all coming back around again. Maybe some of it is because I feel I am lost the one person I could really talk to.

I reaaaallly wish I could find a job. I wish someone would help me, I don't know what I am doing. I have just been wanting to watch movies and such of people in pain and desperate. Cause thats how I am feeling in a way.



"Alive
Has returned home
A lost seafarer
Alive
Has returned home
A diver comes"

I wish I didn't feel so detached from everyone. I want to feel close to someone, I used to feel close to some people. But not anymore. Maybe I just don't know what I want. I can't find a person to lose myself in. I feel closest to my cat cause he doesnt want or need anything from me and doesnt judge me or anything like that. And even if he does I can't feel it. I just want what I have wanted to for a long time, to be wanted. I do tell people that I don't need them, It not so much I don't need anyone, I jsut don't need them. I havent found trust anywhere yet. I just want to find someone that can and will like me. I have felt so ignored over my life, I don't want it.

I am glad I have stopped drinking. I've see how absurd people are. And I am absrud enough sober I don't need anymore help.



I hate feeling this alone. I really don't want it anymore.

As long as I have someone elses art to find myself in I will be okay.

Today I watched alot of college basketball and it was nice, its been awhile since I have watched like a full game of basketball in a long time. I love basketball.

I stayed home all weekend cause no one called me and there where no plans for anything. Well Jim did call me friday to go over to his house but i didnt feel like going out that night casue I was in a mood. But nothing happened over there so yeah.

We have a wood burning thing in our basement so its warm down there now and now I cant get alone time in the place where i used to. I have adesk in the basement where i wanted to write, but now that people are coming up and down I can't. I hate writing in front of people, cause they are going to want to see what I am doing and i dont want to show.

I was listening to my Dad and Sister talking about stuff today and I found out I am alot like my Dad. It was kinda werid hereing the stuff my dad was saying casue I have never heard him talk like that before. I don't have great relationship with my Dad not thats its like hes mean to me its just distant. But it was cool to see I was like him kinda even with out an emotional connection on stuff and me just developing his thoughts into mind.

Also I like to listen to people talk to other people. Cause people act different when they talk to different people. I dont like to be in the conversation I just like to listen and it better if they dont know I am listening. It interest me.